Week 6

This is my revision of the e-mail sample given to us.  I think that overall the e-mail should be more cordial yet still maintain the tone originally set by the author.  The author is upset by the continued incidents and demands a change; he lets his opinions be known by his straight forward approach and bluntly states his mind.  He knows that the mistakes did not occur in his particular office and is standing up for his staff members.  He did research and can confidently make the claim that the clerks' performed inadequately.

My changes include a more elaborate approach on what the author originally stated as well as offering new suggestions to address the problem.  I changed the wording to be respectful yet displeased.



To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department
From: Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department
Subject: INCORRECT PAYROLL CHECKS

Mr. Leoni,

I have been reviewing the “errors” in the computer files and would like to express my opinion.

I disagree with what was discussed in our meeting; by summarizing the series of events with my staff and analyzing the paperwork myself, I feel as though the mistakes were made in the clerks' office rather than by the computer operators.

I took it upon myself to examine the time sheets, time tickets, and computer files associated with the 37 incorrect payroll checks; in 35 cases, it can be noted that the clerks made the errors.

You and I discussed requiring my computer operators to perform the very time-consuming task of comparing their entries against the time sheets from which your clerks are miscopying.  I feel that this is not practical; my staff do not have the means of time to perform this request.

I cannot hire additional help to adhere to this suggestion.  It is my opinion that there should be an institution of requiring the clerks be more thorough while doing their jobs so that such mistakes will not continue to happen.

If we address the problem in every department rather than putting the blame solely on one, this matter may be handled more smoothly and quickly.  It should be required of every staff member to slow down yet remain efficient in their position in order to prevent further mishaps.

I recommend that you tell your clerks to review their work carefully before giving it to the computer operators.